|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
←/ o n e / m o r e / t i m e /→ |
|
/ n o w / / t h e n / - 2 0 0 6 → / w r i t e / / e t c / / d l a n d / |
|
number 24 life lessons 3-23-'xx: 11:47pm it's just like me. I bitch and moan and BS my way through possibly the worst paper of my life (besides the one I wrote on julius caesar...holy shit) and then what do I do? I go and I type some more. I sit here and cough like a chainsmoker and type up some more jumbled nonsense out of my brain. except the soothing part is that I don't have to worry about this being structured, or having any particular purpose. I can let the germs and fading dayquil take over, spouting out pure, unsoiled nonsense. ah, beautiful electronic diary, how I love thee so. I haven't got a prayer in heaven on my side as far as trig goes. I have given up studying, trying, etc. anyway, so earlier, I decided, once again, that I am through with being pathetic. as I sat playing my guitar and whining in incoherrent song fragments that will never be repeated (due to their suckiness), I realized just how much of a sap I am. and how much I base what little happiness I get upon things that are so dumb and so far-fetched. how I rely on the most retarded, inconcequencial stuff to pick up my spirits. "I gotta stop counting on you to make things right. I gotta stop expecting you to 'see the light'." one line that managed to suck less than the others. anyway...so it was like one of those times when you kind of look in the mirror and laugh. it's like in bye bye birdie..."you're alive, so come on and show it...we've got a lot of living to do." you know you've gone off the deep end when you can start applying your life to bye bye birdie...but hey. at least I can say I got something out of playing violin those long hours in that dark hole with all those crawling germs. life lessons. so starting tomorrow, I am not pathetic. I know I've said it before, a zillion times, that I'm starting tomorrow I'm not pathetic...but by god I mean it this time! even though no one will notice anything on the outside, I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm not counting on the imopssible to happen, and that I won't be devestated once again when it doesn't. anyway. so that's my thing for today. I'm actually feeling loads better, I'm almost tempted not to sleep because I know that if I go to sleep the germs will take over my body once again and I'll wake up feeling like I'm hostage to them once again. I wonder what craziness they have in store for me tonight...I don't think anything will match up with the coughing in b flat, though. that was classic. I don't know what I was thinking. who the hell convinces themselves that they're coughing a symphony in b flat? only crazy people. better buy me a bus ticket to pendleton, I'm losing it. well, I should probably take a couple nyquil and hit the sack. I have an important choir rehersal tomorrow morning, wouldn't want to let 'em down by being all germed up. hasta luego. ←/ b a c k w a r d / f o r w a r d /→ |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|