|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
. . . o n e . m o r e . t i m e . . . |
|
2 0 0 6 |
|
dope illy freshness 5-24-'xx: 9:49pm i don't like feeling obliged to write in any kind of journal. in my paper journal, there are gaps that span 6 months to a year because i only write when i feel like i need to, or i have something inportant i want to record. it got to the point with this one where i was just writing for the sake of having a fresh entry up...and they started to get lame. so i took a break. i hope i didn't lose too many readers. so things have been interesting. like i said to ben on the phone yesterday...everything is changing so fast. ben himself is a perfect example. he is, for all practical purposes, gay now. 6th months ago...hell, 6 WEEKS ago, he wasn't. at least, to my knowlege. and it's things like that that make me wonder...do i really know anyone? i know that osunds like a bunch of philosophical "TOK" (theory of knowlege, an IB class i don't take) bullshit...but it's true nonetheless. when things like this pop up...not only do you have to change all the info in your head...but it can also put things that have happened and things you've thought about a person into a whole new light. it makes some things make sense, and it makes some things make even less sense than they did before. such is life, i guess. elsewhere, things have been going really good. i mean..the first thing ben asked me yesterday is "what's wrong?" it was honestly one of the first times in practically forever that i could say "nothing" with a straight face. sure, it's been a tad stressful...i actually got used to spending 12+ hours at school....but that's just it. i got used to it. jennifer and i got colourguard captian duties by a landslide, plus i've been doing all that other stuff....chambar orchestra, symphony, orchestra, choir, percussion ensemble, IB music, etc. the IB music test wasn't that bad....last night was my last choir concert and tonight was my last orchestra concert. boring boring things to talk about, i know. but i've gotten endless compliments about my performance on bass last night...it's cool. i'm really going to miss hillary and geoff...but trent and monica and i are going to tear it up next year. i'm already excited. so the school year is winding down...it's so weird. i forget how old i am because there are all these factors around me in my life making me feel so young...not that i'm not. but i think back to a few years ago and realize that i never could have even imagined being a senior in high school. and now i'm about a week away. regardless of that, i still feel constantly in the shadow of those that i know who are just a little older, even. it's not my fault, really, but the fact that all i hear is "oh, that's high school for you" and "when you get out of high school..." and "in college..." from ben really makes me feel inferior. i get the impression that he thinks that i'm wasting my time by putting any effort into it at all. because it's just high school right? who cares, right? i do. does that make me dumb? possibly. anyway. i guess i could say more, a lot has happened....but it would just be filler. and i should go to bed. i'm just waiting to get the flu that has been going around. and why bother saying anything if you don't feel like it? beating a dead horse is the cliche, i believe. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|