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there are no words...only prayers.

9-11-'^o1: 11:09pm

i've tried to keep this diary lighthearted and upbeat...you know, as much as my sarcasm will allow. it seems like so many of the diaries i've read are all about the dark points of life; depression, pain, despair. i know that is a huge part of many people's lives [ more of a part of mine than i like to let on ], but i always figured that i would try and give some people something to smile about in a world that has so few reasons of it's own.

today, however, has left me unable to turn things around. there was absolutely nothing funny about today.

you may be thinking...oh no, not another "obligatory post about the wtc thing" [ and i quote ]. i'm sorry if you do. i just love how people in their little diaries and livejournals are making light of this disaster...turning on their cynicism and their elitism. maybe they feel disconnected being in other parts of the country. maybe they are confused that despite that fact, people around them are falling to pieces. they put up their walls, adopting an attitude that says "well, everyone else is caring so much about this, so i'm going to act like i don't because it shows how much better and smarter i am than all of them." because to adopt the point of view that, God forbid, the media has adopted...we can't have that.

ever stop to think that maybe this IS as big of a deal as they say it is?

i'm not saying that i agree with the media's continuous exploitation of these events. but think about it. people got up this morning to have their coffee, read the paper...maybe they walked the dog. maybe they thought about how today they'd really like to stay home but they went to work anyway. thousands of people. why don't you go ask those people how cool it was to see a huge plane crash into a huge building? or how about how cool it was to see them collapse? oh, wait. they were inside...they never got to see it and they never fucking will because they're dead now.

sound a bit coarse? well. that's what it is. when i woke up this morning, i had a message on my answering machine from my dad telling me to turn on a television to the news and call him. my first thought was "news? the news has been over for hours, and won't be on until 5. what, does he think we have cnn or something?" so i called. and he told me what happened. i didn't believe it until i saw the footage of tower 1 and it's gaping hole. i was on the phone again before i had seen anything else. a friend gave me a word-of-mouth account of it before i watched any more. i later saw all the footage she spoke of. i don't need to tell you what i saw, you've already seen it a thousand times. i eventually had to leave the house. turn it off. not to ignore it...i just got sick of seeing the same horrific images over and over, hearing the same tragic stories told again and again. seeing the same footage from several different angles that all look like they were well-edited for some motion picture that will be coming out next spring. just because it looks like a motion picture, however, doesn't mean it should be treated as such. even though it still hasn't really sunk in with me, i know it's real. surreal, but real all the same.

i know i'm speaking to a minority of people with the harshness of this entry...they know who they are. my point is this: this is the last time i can think of when the holier-than-thou bullshit i've been reading is appropriate. put all that media-driven "america will get through this together" crap you've heard out the window and just listen to me, from one human being to another: what we need to do right now is support each other. as people. many are realizing this and it's sad that it takes such a disaster to steer people toward the fact...but it doesn't make it any less true. not all of us need to cry about it, not all of us need to freak out or become paranoid. but NONE of us need to be assholes about it. because this isn't over yet...a little compassion won't kill anyone, and it may save us all a lot of trouble in the end.

my prayers go out to those who have lost and those who have been lost in this tragedy. God help us all.

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