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←/ o n e / m o r e / t i m e /→ |
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/ n o w / / t h e n / - 2 0 0 6 → / w r i t e / / e t c / / d l a n d / |
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someone get my violin...i feel a sad song coming on... 5-22-'o1: 9:55pm the jazz band concert was amazing...but has left me with a terrible feeling. like...it's all ending. y'know the feeling i'm talking about? i mean, in reality, most things are just beginning...i know that sounds REALLY cheesy and phony to say...but it's true. i couldn't help, however, feeling like i was going to bawl my head off when jazz II played "a nightingale sand in berkeley square" and ryan sang. she did a great job...it just struck a chord somewhere in me. and it happened again during "the first circle"...i don't know. i just felt so sad. after chamber choir i went out and played on the empty stage...eventually, russ brought connor in and i hung out with him. i played my violin for him, i'm not sure how much he liked it. i love little kids, but i always feel like i'm going to hurt them or that they'll hate me so i usually stay back for the most part. i am intimidated by a kid who isn't even one yet...hahaha. anyway, he's cute as a button and i got to hold him later, but he was tired and fussy by then. he didn't cry, but he made lots of displeased noises. sigh. it's gonna be quite awhile before i have me one of those! haha. so...the orchestra records elegy tomorrow. i decided tonight, during first circle, that i am going to talk to larsen tomorrow and try to convince him to let the orchestra play it at the concert on the 4th. and let me conduct it. because...i just feel like i haven't gone out with enough of a bang...i don't know if that sounds selfish or what but i want to do something special for my last concert...make it one to remember. and...i look forward to directing and rehearsing the orchestra every day. like i said before...it's the highlight. i would really like to be able to show people the work i've done...share a little bit of my joy with them. man, excuse how cheesy this all sounds. i don't know how to put it any other way...without sounding completely flippant and insincere. i'm just in a really "sighhhh" mood right now. it makes for somewhat of a boring entry, and i apologize. in chamber choir tonight, andra brought in her ferret...those things seriously crack me up. they way they run...it's just silly. like a cartoon worm! it kept getting loose and distracting our rehersal...it was impossible not to be distracted by something so silly. yikes. my recital is this thursday and...i am praying like a madman that i'll be able to pull my solo off. more years are being taken off my life...just what i need! i gained most of the ones back that i lost during the rehersal of the borodin...all that work for nothing! hahaha. i think i'll like, shut up now and stuff. ←/ b a c k w a r d / f o r w a r d /→ |
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